Nurture Shock

Nurture Shock by PO Bronson

1) Praise their effort, not them. Tell them they worked hard, and not that they are smart or they won't want to try.

2) Make SURE they get enough sleep. It makes a huge difference and most kids are sleep deprived.

3) Teach your kids about races and differences or they will form their own stereotypes.

4) Kids lie. Encourage the truth by telling George Washington like stories instead of getting that tone "what happened?"

5) IQ really isn't able to be determined until about 2-3rd grade.

6) Siblings don't fight over mom, they fight over stuff.

7) Arguing is a sign of respect in teens, not disrepect and they consider it constructive.

8) Teach self control. Play pretend, and keep it going for an hour.

9) Teach the alphabet by sounds, write out a story (as best they can) then play

10) Talk like a conversation, sing songy, pause, then listen to their sounds for babies

11) It's good to fight fairly in front of your kids, as long as you also resolve it in front of your kids.

Raising your Spirited Child

Raising your Spirited Child

A quiz to assess:

http://www.babysleepsite.com/baby-temperament-quiz/

Brooke is very very spirited. Johel is just spunky (and this may be from the terrible twos.)

Extrovert or Introvert:

Brooke is an extrovert. She NEEDS to be talking to someone all day. It is torture for her to have quiet time. She gets energy from other people. I am more introverted. I love people, but need to stay home/ read/ rest to get more energy.

Energy for introverts:

Time alone, Personal (physical) space, thinking time, uniterrupted work time,

Energy for extroverts:

Feedback, time with people, People to listen to them talk so they can think

For our combinations I should let her know I love her but I need time alone, I need time to think before I answer, and keep her around people a lot.

Intensity:

Program them to think

I am getting upset

I am enthusiastic (put a positive spin, avoid bad labels)

That can be frustrating

I am a problem solver

I can be angry without hurting someone or being agressive

Have siesta time- books, legos, pictures, art for one hour- no tv or video games

Get proper sleep- 10 hours school age, 12 preschool, 13 toddlers

Get them around water

Let them use an imagination game

Let them use anything with senses- lotion (touch and smell) , listen to music, gum, play dough, finger painting, let them wash dishes, toys or dolls, tight hug or blanket, draw numbers on their back, or massage them

Physical Excersise and motion

Reading

Humor- making a joke out of what they are saying but being sensitive to their feelings, but making them laugh.

Time out- not as punishment, but as a break

Persistance

We are a problem solving family. You are assertive and independet.

Teach your child win-win

Be very clear and very consistent

Help your child come up with a better solution

Sensitivity:

Limit tv, computer ect.

Teach your child to notice when they are getting overstimulated

Use kind words to describe them.

Distractable or Perceptive

Help kids to listen by using "good marketing" like an advertiser would do. Vary your methods,

Get down on eye level and make eye contact

Keep it simple, say what you mean, and tell them what they CAN do.

Adaptability:

Establish a routine

Don't rush them, take your time

Give them plenty of warning when you will change activities

Help them deal with disappointment

Limit the number of transitions that will occur

Regularity, Energy, First Reaction and mood

Kids that are not "regular" aern't trying to drive you crazy, they may not be hungry at dinner, or sleepy at bedtime.

For energy, make sure they get a lot of physical excersise/ activity

Energy is often tied to other traits. when a routine is interrupted, etc, he may get even more wound up.

First reaction : Some kids just have a negative first reaction to everything. Encourage them and take your time. Baby steps

POWER:

Predict the reactions

Organize the setting

Work together

Enjoy the rewards

Sleeping:

Transition activity- dimming lights, playing music, eating a snack, putting on pjs

Connect and calm- snuggle , books, reading, talking, mustic

Cue for sleep - prayer, kiss, lullaby

Switch to sleep- you can lay with him, but have him cuddle stuffed animal

Create a nest- make it a cozy place

bath time 90 minutes before bed

Make a picture chart

Rewards

Parental Rights

We have a right, as parents....
1.to be treated with respect
2.  to say no and not feel guilty
3. to know where are kids are and who their friends are
4. to set a curfew and enforce it with privliges and restrictions
5. To ask questions and expect answers.
6. To make mistakes or change our minds
7. Not to condone alcohol/drug abuse  and deny going where these may be present
8. To verify or spot check our kids whereabouts
9/.monitor all school activities
10.consult with any adults that influence our kids lives, such as coaches, teachers...
11.To have house rules and know what  is happening in our home
12. To assign our kids chores and responsiblitlies for the family
13. To promote family time, whether through meals, activities, etc.
14. To be authoratative when reason and logic has not succeeded
15. To have family rules and enforce them consistently with consequences.

Now, when Boo gives me a problem. I will show her this list and tell her the Police will arrest her if she breaks a law:) I think this is good because it will remind me when I'm doing what I 'm supposed to, but not getting a good reaction.

From the Kid Tips by Tom McMahon

Rules from Rules for Parents, by Silver part 3

Discipline...
Keep at it. Be consisitent, and you will have to do it over and over until they get it.
Remember w/ whom you are dealing. Fit the approach to the child.There is no one size fits all. A sensitive child will need less harsh discipline.
Don't have too many rules, focus on the important things.
For Boo we decided one major rule per age. 1. Don't talk back (I guess this will include whining too?) 2. No binky (we are at stage 2 no binky in the car) 3. I forget...I better ask Dadda again!
4. Don't use put downs.
5. Don't ask who, it encourages them to lie. Just Fix it. Together.
6. Catch them being good and avoid giving negative attention
7.Give them a fair warning as to what will happen next.
8. Give yourself a time out,if you feel your patience going.
9. Leave food out of it, don't give as a bribe or treat. We don't want emotional eating.
10. When it comes to tantrums never give in, but you can give into a loophole. No, mommy can't carry you,. (When you want the loophole..Mommy can't carry you, unless you carry your dolly.)


all of these are really hard. It's hard to be patient enough to discipline, when they are making you mad

Rules from Rules for Parents, by Silver part 2

Babies/toddlers (JJ)
Talk to them (this is what we do best, there is a running one way conversation all day)
Use a playpen. Not to neglet, but to do what you have to safely and teach them its ok to play alone 10-15 minutes . thank God he likes it.

Think of the tears as conversation since they can't talk
Don't ask , tell. (I am always asking! I need to work on this!)
Respect their rituals. it makes them more secure
Use "special" words to sell things. Tonight we are eating what Dora has for dinner!(mexican)
Hover (they need to do stuff on their own, but can't be trusted)

Preschoolers
Don't expect easy threes...so true!
Stop endless negotiations
let them win at games
don't give false praise
Teach them your values (once we figure them out!)

Rules from Rules for Parents, by Silver

These were some things I either never thought of, or maybe I did but haven't been implementing...There are also a few I've been doing, but didnt' realize that they were so good. Great and interesting book.
1. You don't have to be perfect. (I knew that...) but they learn MORE from watching how you fix the situation, and how you react. (didn't even think of that!)
2. Say yes 5 times as much as saying no. (I really really need to work on this!)
3. Talk about feelings, they will act out less if they can put them in words. But not just their feelings, other people's too.
a. Identify the feeling (youre angry because..it's bathtime)
b. lay down the law (it hurts my feelings when you call me names, in this family we don't do that)
c. stick to your guns (angry or not, it's still bathtime)
d. Moveon. They may just be looking for attention.
4. Teach them to enjoy life (we do lots of fun things, but I'm probably the worst to actually teach this. ) I should have Mama Bridget teach this!
5. Get help in a hurry (call the dr!) if you ever have questions
6.Sometimes nothing works. Would have been sooo helpful to hear this when Boo was a baby. Makes me feel better now though too.
7. Be patient (IT"S SOOOO HARD) when getting ready, schedule in dawdling time, talk yourself down (so that you don't take it out on them) be clear about the rules (5more minutes should be exactly that)and admit your are impatient, apologize and say you will try harder next time. It's not their fault you have work.
8. Teach them to make choices.(i think I'm ok at this, but didn't realize I do it as much as I do. Good to know!)

9.Be the squeaky wheel. If something is unfair, or they are not treated right, don't give up until resolved. But do hear both sides of the story.
10. Teach manners. They will not offend by having them, but may the other way. They will have them and not have to think when at an interview or a dinner.
11. Respect their fears. No matter how strange they may be. (I am good at this!) Luckily it passes fast too!
12. Explain things to them
13. Don't lie to them. (DARN!It comes so naturally.)
14, Only make a promise you intend to keep.(this should be true to anyone)
15. don't apologize for everything. If the store runs out of a toy, it's not your fault and learning to deal w/ disappointmetis a factof life.
16. Give in. Compromise on things that are really important to them, but change the circumstance. They want junk food, let them buy it, but they can only have it when you say.
17. Let them be babyish. It's normal to regress before a jumpforward. They have anxiety and this calms them. It shold only last a few weeks. Now i get it!
18. don't make fun of them. (it's sooo hard!)
19. think like a kid: they are VERY literal, they can believe two contradictory notions at the same time-like superheros aern't real, but is daddy stronger than one?,life revovles around them, they are unpredictable and they can't wait.
20. tell them about when you were little. Boo is just starting to like this.